Closing a work-day or starting a day-off, sometimes I’d find myself wandering places, craving the feeling of getting lost and finding a ridiculous, never heard-of way.

These feet would first shove me around bookshelves, for an hour or so. Just being there, flipping pages of books I’d never read, reading prints I’d love to read but choose not to buy, feeling paperbacks and hard-bounds as if my fingers could taste and see the worlds hidden inside, basking in the smell of both old and new friends. One day I’d bring along a book or two to the counter. For most of the time, I take pleasure in the atmosphere and come out empty-handed but heartily satisfied.

Then there’s the simple joy I’d find in doing the groceries. Surrounded by fresh fruits, vegetables, and stuff…chocolates and cheat food I could get when I accidentally (okay, maybe purposely) pass by them. I find it wonderful how putting them together, in various ways or another, make works of art that literally satisfy my taste buds and fill up my tummy. It is a challenge though, to keep up with the allotted budget whilst scorching up healthy recipes at the back of my head as I grab things here and there. But I get to hit two birds in one stone, doing one of the most convenient exercises out there for one: walking. So it’s all smiles.

On to the next stop. For a child at heart, it is no surprise to be walking in and out of a toy store, a game zone, or dropping by a pet shop, watching cute puppies getting fur cuts and pampering.

When spontaneity kicks in, I’d go off to a nice music store (look around for that dream electric piano or violin in my bucketlist), try food I’ve never tasted before, window-shop girly stuff somewhere, or go to an interesting place, for which I haven’t got a name for.

I would ride a bike one morning for a little while, out with the birds and trees, delight myself in a few glasses of buko juice… or just spend the next rest day sleeping in my yoga mat, mining bitcoins, buying stocks, trying to comprehend the complex world of business, or doing back-flips in my mind.

In a few hours, the hashtags of my nursing life blink at me either with indifference or a smile, saying “It’s a good day to wear scrubs and care for the little ones.”

When most of these days are like diamonds in the rough, a comfort food of choice is exactly what I need.

Kinder

The childhood-filled chocolate. For some reason, only kinder bueno is available around here. I’ll live with that for now…

Snickers

To my all-time favorite, thank you for making bland days sweeter.

Ferrero Rocher

A mouthful taste to de-stress~

“Everyday is a new beginning.” This seemed to be my 2012’s tagline. To the very end, I had to say those goodbyes, wave those new hellos, and face those fears.

                                   *playing with watercolors on a rainy day*

It was quite the challenge, jumping from one place to another throughout the year. I had plans — slightly different, but somewhat similar. As His plans prevailed, who was I not to surrender? So then I found myself roaming the floors of an intensive care unit, as 2013 boosted to a start.

Despite the contrasting path, I resolve to gradually stop inhibiting these artistically and musically-inclined urges. There are these new far-fetched dreams I’m dreaming on. Things may change, but for now, I want to cherish this crystal clear feeling of knowing what I want to do.

And oh, say hello to another black-&-white bestfriend I got for Christmas. <3 Pandas~

JCIA week has ended. The tedious preparations, standards-strict compliance, intimidating professional demands — all geared towards re-accreditation — were rewarded with flying colors for the fourth time in a row. It was a substantial experience the me as a kid would never really dream to be a part of. And now that Christmas is but a few breaths away, I can chuckle at the thought of gifts waiting to be opened.

Moving to a different side of the road, my attempts at making a list of the negatives and positives of being in pediatrics turned out to be misleading. Since opposite poles do attract, it’s inevitable to clearly see that both are parts completing the whole picture. There’s not always a rainbow after the rain, but the sun’s always somewhere, hiding behind silver linings.

Meant with a slight touch of humor, I type in words painting the variety of colors that nursing stress has been bugging my bed with. So what are perks?

***

When you’re a pediatric nurse…

1. You get called up — late in the night, early in the morning, or (especially) when you’re out anywhere enjoying yourself, trying to take your mind off of work — for a medication you forgot to document, for a change in schedule (which you will apparently have no right to say no to, nuh-uh), or for just about anything. Anything.

2. You try to be your favorite superhero so you can swoosh all the medicines of your patients in time. And yet (for a 101%), you will never be able to avoid being told off for being late (30, 15, 10, or what, 1 minute? Late is late).

3. When you’re struggling and racing with time, it is more likely that your convincing power of words or force won’t ever be enough for the stubborn ones.

4. You hear words of dislike for doing what you do. You will always be that nurse who hurt and stuck them with needles, even if it meant making them well.

5. You get stared at by parents, grandparents, siblings, relatives, or anyone in the world who cares, (checking out your statistics on a green hologram screen that only they are able to see) from the tallest hair strand to your littlest toe, judging if you have the capability to get that kid alive and out of the hospital in the shortest amount of time.

6. Even if you don’t have a child of your own, even if you’ve never ‘really’ taken care of one before, you eventually will. You will ‘have’ to. If you’ve never dreamed of changing diapers, bathing days-old babies, preparing milk, teaching breastfeeding moms, don’t worry, every single day will take you there, like it or not.

7. When you get home from an 8, 12, or 16-hour shift, your legs and feet will swear on you never to walk another step again — you’ve covered enough miles for a lifetime.

8. You will have done all the patient care you need to do in your shift, but your charting will never make up for it. Sometimes it would even look like you haven’t done a thing.

9. If the patient is feeling anything undesirable (pain or whatever), it’s the nurse’s fault. Not the doctor’s, pharmacist’s, or therapist’s. No arguments. You have to understand their strong need to have someone to blame and point their fingers on. You’re the ‘nurse’ so get used to it.

10. You will hear all the different types of crying a child can make: the most silent (from the ones most in pain) and the most ear-scratching, deafening ones.

11. You literally get puked, pooped, spat, or urinated on, whether you like it or not. Whether they meant it or not, you will never really know.

12. You see and smell all kinds of poop a child will ever have.

13. You witness, explore, and discover kids who have great potential and talent for acting.

14. At some point, you will swear not to bear your own children — feeling like you’ve taken care of enough of them.

15. You will be surprised at how you can stomach 8, 12, 16 or more hours of no food and drink. And how you can laugh and smile despite the pent up exhaustion you’re trying not to succumb to.

16. Your hands will be rough enough from all the handwashing.

17. From the aircon, television, and internet, to the bathroom, floors, tables, chairs, bed, linen, and food — all of these are your problems when they are problems of your patient’s guardians.

18. You know when an infusion pump is alarming and what type it is — be it in the hallways, the nurses’ station, the restroom…or in your dreams.

19. You now realize what your preceptor meant when he asked, ‘Are you sure of what you’re getting yourself into?’

20. You wish IV tubings could fix themselves, have anti-gravity properties or whatnot, so you can leave them alone.

21. You change IV site as needed. Children like pulling, biting, or chewing them off whenever they want to. They’re just that brave.

22. You pray for a blood-transfusion-chemo-tube-feeding-monitoring-iv-reinsertion-PPE-direct-admission-FREE duty whenever you get the chance.

23. Your heart smiles and cries ambivalently at the site of children outside the hospital.

24. More often than not, the best doctors are the good-looking and nicest ones around.

25. You didn’t know you could be that disinterested and indifferent at the sound of your phone beeping or ringing.

26. Special children are special for special reasons.

27. Children like playing with stethoscopes but dislike their use.

28. You’re so used to the noise children make, you couldn’t care any less.

29. You ask your patients if they have eaten anything - when your stomach is grumbling, how much they drank - when you haven’t had any (sometimes you take pleasure at the convenient picture of a camel wearing a diaper), how many times they’ve been to the restroom - when you never had the chance.

30. The nicest people thank you for every little thing that you do. As little as picking up that bottle of milk that fell.

31. You wear a smile no matter how pissed off you are. Either that or wear a face mask.

32. Your body clock has to be as flexible as a gymnast. Circadian rhythm has no meaning in a nurse’s world.

33. When you get sick, it is normal to feel like you’ve committed a mortal sin.

34. At the end of the day, you are physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually drained — the kind you will never have enough words for.